My life is falling apart and I can’t do anything to stop it. Damn it. There’s like something that feels like it’s weighing me down and no matter what I say or what I do, everything’s a duty. Writing my life down, schoolwork, and friends, even sometimes reading. I’m really to the point where I think I may have another breakdown. Its gotten so bad, I don’t even want to talk anymore.
I discovered these feelings in Psychology today, when one of my friends was playing with me, and guess what? I just wanted to be alone and isolated from rest of the group. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes people look for me for guidance, and I can’t offer it to them, even if I want to, because I’m holding myself down.
Am I seriously depressed? I’m constantly wondering if I belong anywhere, but I hardly let anyone else know it. People say I should talk to them, but exactly how can I talk to them, when I can barely if at all put it into written/typed words? I’m to the point where I just don’t care what happens next. I don’t care if my family died; I don’t care if my friends died (no offense).
I’m angry all the time and I don’t understand why. I’ve tried running away twice, and maybe next if I try again, I’ll actually get away. I can’t take my parents of my sister because they are constantly on me about something no matter how big or small it is. This is the most truthful I’ve been with my self for a long time, too long to count.
I don’t want to hurt people I just want to be left alone in my own little world. I’m not sure what that’ll accomplish, but it has to be better than what I am in now, just about anything is. People get excited for the littlest things, and I’m afraid that just isn’t happening for me. I dread going home, I dread the Internet, but yet I can’t stay away.
I just don’t know anymore.