Wow….I lied in the last entry and most importantly to myself about Dan, and not using the word, different, to describe him. For the record, after spending last night with Dan (meaning spent hanging out, not sex), I completely have a new level of respect, admiration, and something else I’m not ready to admit to myself or him just yet.
Basically, last night could’ve ended up with us having sex, and with that being said, Dan left it up to me, whether or not we did. I told him, I wanted too, but it wasn’t a good idea. He stated that he wouldn’t be upset, or think any differently of me regardless of what I said in response to the option too. I basically repeated what I told him before, and told him that I wanted too…but, in which he responded with, is there any doubt in your mind? Yes…of course there was. He told me that since there was a doubt, we wouldn’t because he had too much respect for me. And he wanted to make sure that when we did, that I was 100% sure and that there wasn’t any doubt. =]
Following that conversation, I wasn’t sure what to say or do, needless to say, I thanked him for being different (which is where I said I would never use it to describe him from the previous entry), and for him being who he is. He started telling me stuff about how he felt about me, and how its been forever (since like 9th grade for him) since he’s really been this happy.
After him telling me all this stuff, I told him, I didn’t know what to say (and by this time I was crying). I told him it was happy tears (which I think he was a little scared and had some doubts that it wasn’t) , and I was happy he told me everything he did. We kind of locked eyes for a few moments, and he laughed a little bit. I looked at him, and asked him what he was laughing at. Very seriously he looked at me, and said, “The way you are looking at me…your eyes tell me something. I have an idea of what that is…”
I asked him what he thought it was, but didn’t really get a response. Thus, I am terrified after last night. I like him quite a bit, a lot actually, since he’s pretty freaking amazing (and this statement is not an understatement). But how does one respond to that kind of statement. I most certainly wasn’t really to make a avid claim of my love for me. I don’t even know if it is love (on which I have an opinion on this), I just know that Dan saw something…maybe how I was feeling about him at that moment or how I feel about him in general. I have no idea, and can’t even pretend to fathom what is going through his mind.
I know just despite everything with his ex-girlfriend, that his statement was true before about it having had ended awhile ago for him, and it was pretty evident while I was with him last night. He does the sweetest stuff too, like just walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me…and if we are laying down, every once in awhile he turns to me and kisses me on the cheek. =]… I tell you…he’s something else.