What to do?

I think the moment that I have been dreading is about to happen. Dan’s mom I think is going to ask about his brother moving down with us and staying here. While I’m not 100% opposed to it because it would help us out financially at least, but I’m worried about us simply for the fact that we have been fighting so much lately and I’m not sure if we can survive something like that when we have started to get past everything.

I’m worried and scared but I have to think about it. And think about if we do this, we will have no privacy (which is hard enough as it is), but then what about us together. How will that affect us? Will we fight more? Will it ultimately put too much pressure on us and to the point where we just both give up? What should I do?

Really?

Can I say that I hate customers? I honestly REALLY do. People who have never had to work in Customer Service are just plain assholes. That’s it, and nothing more. You can yell and you can bitch and do whatever you want and say whatever you want, and you are right. Even if you were to call me the c-word, or anything else, the customer is ALWAYS right.

I’m so sick and tired of customers calling in constantly upset and then getting instantly pissed by you because you do not have an answer at the moment and require some sort of research.

And what makes matters worse, internal employees. I’ve had some RUDE ASS employees call in, and it’s like, seriously? Do you talk to your fucking mother like that? Does it make you feel so damn good about yourself putting everyone else in a bad mood just because you’re a dick/bitch?

And I just LOVE it when people blow up your email/phone because all they do is sit by the damn phone and hit redial because they can’t wait an hour for an answer, despite servicing the entire country phone wise. I apologize; I didn’t realize that I was so free for the day. Want to place an order? Well, I can take it, but it will not get entered into the system simply because the next customer will have an emergency as well.

Idiots. You should never, ever, ever, work in customer service if you do not have too. Being in customer service is the worse choice you could possibly ever make. They honestly do not care, they look out for one person and that is them. They do not care if you take 50-60 calls a day, roughly about 15-20 minutes a call, doesn’t matter if you have emails or information you are trying to track down, doesn’t matter if you feel like you need a breather because of dipshits. Nope, you are right. Your time is more fucking valuable you fucking pig.

Some Great Things

There are some great things in works for both this website and my other websites. This site has been and will continue to be my blog rather than a twenty-something-in-one website.

Pretty Senshi will be a screen shot website of anime and some tv shows to be used in designs for personal use.

Until Morning will be for my story, titled Until Morning and possibily later on to house all of my writings.

Soul Echo will be a content domain with graphics and designs for wordpress.

Please keep an eye out for those, and don’t miss the new Hate Your Way design coming soon.

Its Been Awhile

when you know the depths of depression; you know there is never a cure, only a tipping scale balancing on the edges of light and complete utter darkness. It has been and will always be a constant struggle and reminder the pain that you carry around will forever be there. And all you want is someone to hold you, and tell you that everything will be okay, that it’ll stop hurting eventually…

Weight Loss?

Weight has always been a big issue for me, and the great thing was that I knew from experience I could easily lose it and keep it off; until I started birth control though.

In late 08/early 09 I had gone to the doctors because I had kept pulling the same muscle in my back and I couldn’t figure out why. Fortunately…the doctor told me it was because of my weight and that I needed to lose it.

I was determined; you never really face the reality of it until someone in the medical field tells you that it is starting to affect your life.

Current Weight at this point: 211 lbs.

Within 5-6 months, I went down to 166 and felt great! I had joined a gym; I was going 6-7 days a week. I never felt better, or looked back. I’m not quite sure why I stopped going to the gym, but I did. I was able to maintain 175 for about three years before I started taking birth control. I have always had horrible side effects with the added hormones in my system, which leads to my eventual weight gain of 185. I continued on to maintain 185 for the next 2 years (and had stopped taking birth control at this point).

I eventually got into a relationship with my boyfriend and decided to go back on birth control. I had horrible side effects with estrogen as it made me psycho and want to eat everything in my path! BC makes me so damn hungry that even my best efforts can’t break it!

Mind you. I know how to lose weight. I’ve done it before, time and time again and have been success at maintaining it for the most part. So I decided for a long term solution which was to get an IUD placed.

I have the IUD for exactly 3 and a 1/2 days and I gained 11 pounds in that time. Needless to say, my body did not like it and was trying to force it out (painful, very painful), so I got it taken out (after fighting with two doctors offices and getting x-rays) and was given the mini-pill.

This is a godsend, simply because I don’t feel like snapping every five seconds at everyone and it’s nice. *sigh*. Now, BC for me slows my metabolism waaaaay down to the point for about 6 weeks, I did weight watchers (hardcore) and started working out again, plus I stopped eating out, drinking pop, yada, yada, yada. Basically I made better choices in what I was eating and drinking. The weight will not come off.

Now after the IUD my weight is back up to 198 pounds. This is alright. Really it is.

Who am I kidding? It’s not alright. This damn fat needs to go and it will! I went to the doctors who were able to get me a diet pill (Phentermine 37.5mg) which curbs your appetite and also gives you a burst of energy so that you can work out longer.

I feel good, even though I think I will be taking half pills instead, but I feel like this is really possible now. I’m amped up, ready to hit the gym hardcore and finally lose some weight.

This time…I vow that once I hit or get close to my goal weight (140) that I will never EVER EVER let myself get past 150. It will force me to keep myself accountable and monitoring everything I eat.

They weren’t kidding when they say it’s a lifestyle, because it is. While I love the fact that I’m not hungry all the flipping’ time on the diet pill, that’s only half the battle.

Starting Weight in 08: 211
Lowest Weight in 09: 172
Current Weight: 198
Goal: 140.

Every week you will see a blog documenting my weight loss and my results so far. And please understand diet pills are serious and should only be prescribed by a doctor to someone who is seriously overnight/obese and should not be used by someone wanting to lose 5-10 lbs. They are extremely addicting and should NOT be taken long term. They are merely a tool to help you get started.

Until next time 🙂

It Feels Like

It feels like ages since I’ve been on here to actually write something worthwhile and it of course has been. A lot of things are happening lately, especially money wise. It’s been tough financially this past month and it’ll probably get a lot harder before it gets better.

I’m really glad now that I got this new job with the pay raise; otherwise I don’t know what Dan and I would have done. Needless to say…it started with my car. My poor car has seen enough and I started having problems with the transmission (originally it was thought to be a wheel bearing from the noise it was making) and I stopped driving it in August.

There was mostly definitely something wrong with my transmission; the bearing in the most inner case was shredded. Luckily, however, we didn’t damage anything by continuing to drive it; otherwise it would have cost a lot more than it did. $1,300 later…. It’s in the process of being fixed and should be fixed tomorrow (hopefully).

The second thing was that Dan and I broke down and bought a new bed…we had no choice in this matter; we simply needed it at this point. We were sleeping on a futon and it was so broken down neither one of us was getting any sleep. We couldn’t function and we were constantly jumping down each other’s throats because we were tired.

The new bed is a lot nicer, but it’s added $1,300 with the total now up to: $2,600. And it doesn’t even stop there. I just got the gas turned on so we would have heat before it got extremely cold, and that was $150 deposit :(. Then the discovery that one of our furnaces stopped working :mad:. Knowing that we had to fix the furnace there was really no alternative than to pay to have someone come out and take a look at it. $340 dollars later….our furnace is hopefully fixed. I haven’t been home yet to see if it’s working. They had to buy a new circuit board for it because the original one had a several shorts, AND we had missed the warranty by a few months. If only we had known, it would have been free. But isn’t that how it normally is?

Now the grand total so far is: $3,090 in the past month that we have shelled out in loans and cash. Not to mention on top of our normal bills. Isn’t it funny how I thought I was getting back on track money wise; paying some of my old bills and paying my cards down, and shit like this happens? In this world; you always get screwed.

But we’ll make it. We always do, we’ll have to budget. I know the bed is due next week (the first payment), and I’m not entirely sure how I plan on paying my phone bill because my parents are still expecting rent as well so I think I’ll pay half of my phone bill next week, the bed payment, and half of the rent money which will take about $300 of my paycheck.

Once I get that taken care of, then I’ll pay the water softner, my car repair bill, the other half of my phone and the other half of rent. Then the following week I will pay on my laptop, take half of rent out, pay part of my phone and just dish as much money out as possible that will pay the bills.

It sucks but we’ll get through it…eventually.

Here for another year!

You read that correct! As of yesterday, HYW has been officially renewed!

In case you were not aware, I’ve had this domain off and on for awhile now. I originally had it for about 5-6 years before letting it expire, it was bought by another individual and I lost it =(; eventually though they let it lapse, and I grabbed it up again last year. It’s hard to believe an year has already gone by.

What have I done?!

So, I follow pinterest somewhat avidly, and have tried a couple things, for example, the DIY Mod Podge

Of course, I found out after doing that DIY Mod Podge, that it is in deed a fraud in that department and should not be used for any decoupage projects other than maybe paper. I think the biggest thing is that it took so long to dry verus the actual Plaid Mod Podge and it was super runny. I decided eventually I want to sell some decoupage stuff, and thought I should get the real thing so there isn’t any issues.

I could tell the different as far as the strength, the drying time and the overall quality of it.

Obviously I did not have a nice pretty jar, so I ended up using a Kraft Parmesan container. Works just as well, but it does leak at the top when you shake it (to mix the water and glue together).

After doing a couple DIY activities from pinterest, I am trying a new one. Mod podging an image to a board (wood).

There’s the Mod Podge that I bought at Wal-Mart who I’ve found has a bigger selection on finishes than Hobby Lobby did regarding Mod Podge. I thought that Gloss would be too shiny for everything I’d be doing, and I was correct. The Satin is perfect for everything as it still has the gloss to it, but not as intense.

I work for a company that offers a Signs & Graphics shop, so I was able to print out an Avengers poster, and yes I understand all about copyright laws and how they work. Moving on, I printed out this custom size, and a couple days later, I thought, ‘how am I going to find a frame for this? I’d have to have a expensive custom frame made.’ But alas, I have come to another solution that works just as well.

There’s the poster already mounted to the wood. Basically what I did, since we just finished building our house, we had extra lumber hanging around. So I took a board, let it dry off, sanded down with a harsh sand paper to get rid of anything that was sticking up since the wood was unfinished. I then took a smoother sand paper and made it feel smooth and nice to the touch. I then marked where the board was to be cut, had my boyfriend (Dan) cut it while he was off of work then sanded down that extra edge.

I had gone to Wal-Mart and bought a can of white spray paint, which actual white paint, would work just as well. Nearly a can later, the board is covered (mostly). I let some of the imperfections show through to help give it character. I did not spray paint the back side of the board since it was going to be up against a wall.

After waiting for it to dry a couple hours, I then mod podge the backside of the image and mod podge the entire board. I only did the entire board because I thought it would feel weird if only the image had the texture of the mod podge, and I figured it would probably hold better as well.

There’s a side view to show the image on the board. You can clearly see that my board is bigger than the image, which is the way I wanted it. You can do it, where you trim down all the edges of the board to make the board fit the image or vice versa.

Here’s what it looks like drying (you can see the white streaks on the paper which will disappear once it dries) and the board itself. I’ve only applied one coat so far, but after it dries (15-20 mins), apply another coat about 6-8 times for something like this. You wouldn’t want it to come off, and the mod podge seals the top of it and helps hold it to the board. Don’t forget to do the entire board, and not just the image.

Then all you have to do is add hanging hardware to the back (I’d put two for mine) and then proudly hang and display your custom wooden poster frame.

Also, if you decide to bleed the image to the edge (being the image extends to the edge of the board), then you can sand down the edges of the print to give it a more old fashion look.

I feel like I’ve taken a step towards being Martha. >< Enjoy, and hope your results are just as good!

Disappointment in the form of a sister

I want to say that I have mentioned I was going to be taking my niece, Rylee, to the children’s museum here in Indianapolis. I had told my sister about it weeks ago (July 9th to be exact) and had asked her multiple times if I could take her. After her saying no many times, and after my Dad finally talking to her, she decided to let me take her, Wednesday night. The Museum was sponsored by Roche (where Dan works) and we had already picked up our tickets for the three of us. The outing was supposed to be yesterday, July 28th, so I thought I had given her ample time to let her know about it.

She sends me a text, Friday (the 27th), letting me know she “forgot” that Rylee had a birthday party for her cousin (Brian’s brothers kid) even though he had already had a birthday party earlier this year. Needless to say, it was at the time we were supposed to leave to go to the Museum, and needless to say, my sister texted me this morning at 927am, to let me know that I could not take Rylee and that she was sorry, but she was going to the birthday party.

I was devastated. I started crying and went and got Dan explaining to him what my sister had done. I couldn’t believe her, the betrayal and the disappointment that followed was heart-breaking.

Needless to say, I will stop talking to her until she understands that she severely hurt myself, and the possibility of Rylee having an awesome time with her Tia.

Who would’ve thought

Who would have thought that after everything I’ve been through in my life from the pain of being an outcast, trying to find a place in this word, or from trying and believing in the wrong person that I found love, that after all of that, I would find it in the least expected place?

I went and saw The Dark Knight Rises tonight and after spending some time with my best friend, Rachel, Dan, Molly, Christie and her sister, Ann, that I would be reflecting on how much I truly care and love Dan. Dan and I got home about 330 or so and we just went and laid down (which is where I’m at right now, lying next to him as he sleeps).

We have this look, that we give each other allowing us for a big glimpse inside of how we feel about each other that means more than ‘I love you’. We had been joking before dinner and the movies about getting married and how since there was a pool at my work when we’d get engaged that he would buy a ring and sit on it until I least expected it. And it made me realize that my fear of marriage, and unwavering commitment was unfounded and unjust.

I realized that Dan is the person I feel so deeply and strongly about that my chest aches at the emotions that I strain to hold back. I realize, that I want to marry him, that I want to spend my life growing old with him, enjoying life like I never could before.

He tells me from time to time, that I’m the love of his life. And looks at me, like his world revolves around me and he couldn’t imagine or want it any other way. I have been lucky. And sometimes I take us for granted. Arguments and snapping at each other here and there. But that’s to be expected in any relationship I guess. I mean we moved in with each other only about 7 months in.

I left him a note on the fridge where he would see it earlier this week, explaining how he is so intertwined in my life, my family, and my soul that I couldn’t imagine a time before this, before us without him. And that I am thankful for his support, his humor and his caring nature. It’s a wonder why I can’t sleep right now. Maybe in light of the batman massacre that I’m reflecting a bit. Realizing life is short and that I have everything I need in my life to be happy. And maybe thinking that I don’t know what I would do with Daniel. What I would do without my niece, and my friends and family.

I have no regrets anymore. Because every misstep, every bad decision has lead me to this very point in time, with my beautiful niece and the love of my life. My worlds.